This is not going to be long or detailed at all. But I want to get some thoughts down before I pass out.
My head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. I have a headache. I’m exhausted. All of this is expected.
What I WASN’T expecting at all was that my brain won’t shut. off. at. all.
I’ve never had ADHD brain, and I’ve always wondered about that. I even questioned the diagnosis at times, even though most other symptoms fit. (PLEASE, can we develop a simple blood test or something??)
But something happened during the session. Actually, it started before the session.
Someone asked me what dissociation FELT LIKE to me.
I had to try to think about the processes that took place when I went away. I tried to visualize what happened. And I came up with a very interesting and unexpected analogy- a computer.
When a computer is running slow, the first thing that a technician does is look for hidden programs running in the background. Programs that don’t “appear” on the screen, but they can suck up memory and slow down processing speed a great deal.
I have a LOT of background programs. They suck up A LOT of memory.
And that’s not even just when I’m dissociating. That is happening constantly. It’s how my brain protects itself.
Everything that I might possibly think or feel gets sent to that hidden processor and evaluated for potential risk and necessity. If it’s something I need to feel or think about it gets sent up to my consciousness to be used. If it ISN’T necessary to become a conscious thought or emotion, it might get processed and used. If not, it gets stored somewhere else in the system.
It doesn’t go away. Just gets stored.
I know all of this because over the last eight months, I’ve felt it work. I’ve SEEN it work. Sometimes, I have felt it work so well that I’ve experienced my brain REMOVE files from my consciousness to my unconsciousness.
It was not a good feeling.
So, back to the ADHD brain.
During my session my thoughts started bouncing like crazy. Uncontrollably. All over the place.
The whole rest of the day my synapses were firing constantly. My head ached from the feeling. I felt scattered and unfocused. I was again reassured that this is normal.
I don’t necessarily feet BETTER yet. But I DO see how I might, after intensive work.
As always, I’m happy to answer questions, or have discussions. You can contact me any time.
And thank you. Thank you so much for your support.
Corricks's Corner 